I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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