I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
