apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
