You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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