girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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