well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
