Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
