A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this must be what syphilis tastes like
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
