I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
