I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
