I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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