i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
