this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this boner is exhausting
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
