Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
