no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im holly from the hills drunk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
