I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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