Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
