Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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