I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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