i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
