my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I checked into jail on foursquare
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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