I wish I could teleport
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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