Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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