So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
