are you still at the devil's house?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
