I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
