also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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