Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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