apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
