thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
