i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
