He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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