hell yes lets make some ravioli
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
