My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
