I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
