lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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