i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
