I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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