I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
