I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
