If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We had to coat check the pizza.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
