I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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