When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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