Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
