They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
