I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
