Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
