So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
