I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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