it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
