You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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