butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
