3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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