i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
