Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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