hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
