My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
this hospital has no fireball
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
