after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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