I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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