i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
