My liver just broke up with me...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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