i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drunk is not a location!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
