You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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