Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
