Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the liver wants what the liver wants
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
