Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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