You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
