You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
