She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
